Nigga. !

No more playin' 

Start studyin'

SPM is comin' 

Jammed !

Haha i was at mary brown and my finger got jammed on the toilet door ! Bhahah the funny thing is , it wasn't only me. The next person after me went to the toilet and also got her finger jammed ! Hahah

Usually if something happen to me i would tell him. Get All manja with him. Hmm :( i did tell him though. And he replied. Short replied though :( hmm i miss him. 

Dream about him. Again

Last night i had a dream about him again. But it was all weird and practically doesn't make sense either haha. In the dream i was playing around with Ira's blackberry*she uses iphone now* and daaa everyone know what i'll do. I check his BBM status and stuff. His BBM name was IdaEddy well that made me smile in the dream but on his status he wrote someone elses name , a girl and a💜shape. That made me sad haha.

Then all of the sudden i realised i was still in Kelantan. I mean whatttt ?! Haha and i was looking through the window i saw and elephant's ass hahaaha. And weird enough i was trying to take a picture of me and elephant's ass using Ira's phoneee hahahahah!

Then i was awake hearing my mama n papa arguing about.... Yeaa that made me teared up a little under my blankey with ed. I hope its nothing serious that are gonna get them into a big fight.and i woke up had my shower and decided to charge my iphone. Its been a while u know. I kinda always turning my phone off because there's so much sweet and bitter memories of him.

So then i turned on my phone and i saw some wechat me that i haven't read. I assume it would be rifkiy trying to comfort me. He was trying to comfort me since before raya. That was nice of him. But i just couldn't reply his text wechat twitter and call because.... I don't know. It feels wrong.

But when i opened it. It was him! That made me wiped my tears just now. He wechat me this morning at 4 am something wishing goodnight... I wonder why.,, was i in his mind at 4 am ! OMG! I really thought he hated me by now.

U know... He was pushing me away when i started to start a conversation with him. Its like he wanted to reply me "goodbye" staright away. That was always in my mind. AND OH !! One more thing in my mind is that he would reply like " please leave me alone "

That's what i'm really scared of.  4 words 18 words *ithink* scared the hell out of me.

Without hesitating i replied " goodmorning :) " and told him about the chicken my papa brought from. Kelantan.

Al fatihah and Yassin to Arwah Haji Omar bin Aman

This morning faiq's grandpa passed away. It must be hard for him. I know how it feels to lost ur grandparents. Especially when u'd spend so much time with them. I remember how i lost tok mak. I cried like i never cried before at the hospital , masa baca yassin, sampai la kat kubur.

Its hard. Im sure it must be hard for him too. All i can do is just sedekah surah yassin in my prayers tonight. InsyaAllah after solat Magrib or Isya. Semoga roh atuk faiq di tempatkan dengan orang yang beriman. And semoga Allah jauh kan atuk faiq daripada seksaan kubur. Amin. If u're reading this blog. If u're muslim ofcourse. Lets sedekah surah Yassin or Al fatihah at least to arwah Haji Omar bin Aman.

I think Allah had showed me sign last night :'(

Last night. Before i went to bed i did solat sunat Istikharah. Because i need to ask Allah to show me some sign and just heal my broken heart. As always during sujud i was crying asking for help from Allah. Show me some sign through dream or whatever just some sign if he really loves me and if he really is for me.

Believe it or not. I did have a dream last night. It was a really sad one. Not what i had expected at all. I had a dream that i'm moving to China because of my mom. And that time tok bah already passed away. That means i will never come back and visit Malaysia. Maybe once every 5 years.

I know at the time my dream that i was still deeply in love with Faiq. Still never giving up on our love. An that dream i told him i was moving , he was perfectly fine with me moving. He had a car and a house but still no women standing besides him.

I still remember he said his feeling never changed towards me. He said he wanted to get the keys and he'll come back to me. :') apprently that was just some excuses to let me go. The truth is he just wanted to be friends with me all along.

So back to the dream. His rection was "im gonna miss u sis" with i woke up crying. And calming myself down i have to accept what Allah had showed me. :')

Did i waste my love ?

Its hard for me to let him go. Because to be honest through all the boyfriend that i have. He was the one i really love. The one that i dream to have a family with. The one i gave my whole heart to.

But i have to let him go no matter how hard. Because his point of leaving me is to study hard persue his career. He is currently living in a hard life. I cannot be selfish and just think of myself :) he said if we continue our relationship it wouldn't work out because he won't have time for me, to make me happy and to study.

With my heart that is not with me and with him .. Im letting him go. But now i think to myself, he said he doesnt have time for me right ? Because he's so busy. How come he can have fun with his friends when im all sad at home trying to kill myself ? I thought he had no time for all that.

How come he have time tweeting .. Thinking other girl is cute when he said he still love me. I know i have no right to be jealous about other girl with him because he's not mine anymore. But i just feel really sad he's doing this to me. The one who i thought would be my husband.

Im not blaming her or spamming him. Its all my fault. He was there for me throught everything. But i never thank him. I just complain , braging , crying and blaming him. All i see this is a lesson from Allah. If he's the one for me Allah will show us the way. If not, i will always praying for more strength.

I will always pray for his success, happines with his family. Amin

Please don't forget #FLS

Did you forget ? That i was even alive
Did you forget ? Everything we ever had
Did you forget ? Did you forget ? About me ?

Did you regret ? Ever standing by my side
Did you forget ? What we were feeling inside ?
Now I'm left...to forget...About us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong :'(
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it...

So now i guess this is where we have to stand
Did you regret ? Ever holding my hand ?
Never again :'( Please don't forget

We had it all,
We were just about to fall, even more inlove than we did before :'(
I won't forget... I won't forget... About us :'(