I'm sorry I was wrong.

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known

[Chorus:]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around

Maybe I was naïve,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
My mistake, I didn't know to be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

[Chorus:]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around

And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale,
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rear view mirror disappearing now
And it's too late for you and your white horse
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now

Where Is The Old Him

I still remember him chatting with me on Facebook 3 years ago. He would accompany me all night. Even though we were just a friends, he was still one of the sweetest friend I had. The kind a friend never leave you alone, never make you feel lonely, the kind of friend that would put that smile back on your face when you're down, would listen to your problem and make you feel better with their stupid jokes :')

Those 3 years flew by so fast. And a lot had happened between us.When we're back together now, my feelings towards him just grow bigger and bigger each day. He's my friend, my big brother and my boyfriend at the same time.I'd never been happy when he asked me to be his girlfriend again.So glad to be his again, I just miss him so much. Miss the way he put that smile on my face and make me feel special.

But as the 3years past by, I noticed a few things that's different about him.He was never there with me when I needed him the most.I started realized that the day I had a fight with my dad and I got hit by a guitar.There was literally no one that could make me feel better other than Faiq. I expect him to comfort me but at the end he was not there. He didn't even know I was hit by a classic guitar.My cousin Ira had to tell him for him to know.

The second times was when i got played by this guy called Tengku and his girlfiend Najwa. All the seniors in Adni would tease me and called me a bitch.I cried one night and texted Faiq and tell him all about it. I just need him to put that smile on my face. But instead he said "yang you pun post mcm tu kat blog buat ape, delete la". I knew i was wrong to post things about Tengku on my blog ,I knew my mistakes but I really don't need Faiq to blame it on me again.All i wanted was for him to make me smile :')

Not to forget when I cried and had a huge fight with my mom about selling my cat Oreo.I could never forget this.It actually almost break us up.I knew he was stressed with all his assignment at the time and his up coming exam.But i also need him at the time and again to make me feel better.But instead it all went really wrong.The last thing I knew was he BBM my cousin telling her that I always makes it all about me.I just wish he knows that I never want everything to be about me. I just wanted him to hug me and tell me everything would be fine.

From the fight with my dad , to Tengku , to selling Oreo, to the fight with my mom and i actually tried to kill myself with sleeping pills, to stressed up with my dad about my spec till now. He failed to wipe those tears on my face.

I knew all my mistakes in those fights and problems. I'm not asking for him to say I'm right and I'm innocent and that I'm a sweet little angle or as he posted on his twitter like I'm a princess living in the fairy tale.I just wanted him to make me feel better, to wipe my tears, to put a smile back on my face like he used to do when we were friends 3 years ago.

I just want him :'( The old Faiq Lutfi Shahrin that I met 3 years go. The person that I was chatting with 3 years ago.Please bring him back, I just can't keep wiping my own tears anymore and put the smile on by myself. I want him :'(

My Little Heart

Everyday before I go to bed, I would pray to Allah. Even though I might not pray 5 times a day like a good Muslim does, I never forget to make Du'a to Allah to forgive my family, my boyfriend and myself. Most importantly I would pray for my mom, may Allah lighten the load on her.

I knew from the day I was born I was nothing but a burden to her.Till now I still feels like it. I just wish one day I could pay her all the money she had spend on me all my life.Sometimes when I went shopping with her, Its actually hard for me to see her pay for my stuff and sometimes for my medicine too.

I just can't wait for school to be over and I can start working and pay her back. But since I'm still in school there's pretty much nothing i can do to pay her other than study twice as hard.For now i would just hold back my feelings and just accept the fact that I'm still a burden to her.

But one day she said a sentence that I would never forget."Ida suka menyusahkan mama papa" even though she said it nicely but i just can't hold back my tears in the car. I know I'm a burden, with my health condition that would need treatment and check up. I know I'm a burden. But it's not that i wanted to be sick on purpose.

I didn't ask for it. And surely "Ida tak nak susahkan mama papa".But when she says it, its was like someone punch me in the heart.The Du'a that i made every night may Allah lighten the load on her was no good, I realized I was the load all along.

I just want her to know, I didn't mean to do it on purpose.I wish i could give her all the money she wasted on me. I don't even want to be born if I knew my presence on this world would burden the person I love the most. :')

"I may not get to see you as often as I like. I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I love, and I can't let you go."

Merdeka's Weekend

Had an awesome weekend. Thumbs up for Merdeka 

Lots of things to can do 

 The best time to swim are when the pool is empty ; oh yea baby have it all to myself.

Green Beach no waves 

Woke up to an awesome view from the bedroom

Gone

One of my kittens died today :(

I don't know why i have this much of love towards a cat.

I don't really know why it die but i just feel so bad .

I can feel how it feel. I can imagine myself being it .

being dead in a cage , put in a plastic beg and tossed in the woods :'( just made me shed to tears

I just hope it will be fine in the after world. And just wanna it to know how sorry i am for it.

I didn't mean to let it die. I want it to know that i love it so much. And wish to see it someday after life :'(

 Wish you could stay longer with us.I'm sorry for your past.

Holidays Picture

NewZealand#1

3 years passed

Never thought he would love me back after all these years :) After all the things I've done to him. 3 years passed by so fast. Met him 3 years ago at Sri Maya when i first came to Kuala Lumpur for summer holidays. It was a normal introduction between us two. Never thought i would be in love with him. Said hi to each other it was cool. we got along pretty easy. Had a crush on him since then but i found out he got a girlfriend :) thinking to myself what a lucky girl she is :) threw the feelings away and just accepted him like a big brother that i always wanted. Couple weeks and months passed by we got really close to each other. He was single for a moment , and that feeling just hit me again. The feeling of loving him more than as a big brother. Things happened and the next thing i knew we were together :) hey i guess my love do come true.I had fun being with him, but i don't really know what happened after a week we broke up.Bummer. Didn't know what i was thinking.I was stupid to let him go at that time. We both moved on afterwards but we remain our relationship as big brother and lill sister. I met a couple of guys , tried to move on. To be honest even though I've been with lots of guys after being with him but he was always there at the corner of my heart. He was never really gone from my heart. I just don't want to admit that he's still there :) suddenly we got really close again, i really thought that was a moment to tell him that i want to be with him . Finally i let my feeling out by telling him that i still love him and wanted to be with him again. He said he needed time to think about it. I gave him time as much time as he needs but the next morning when i open my lap top and logged in to my Facebook went to his wall and saw that he was in a relationship with his ex girlfriend just cuts me really bad :') after telling him that i loved him and suddenly he belongs to her again. I took a deep breath at that time , ignore it, and just smile :) no matter how bad it hurts inside :) after a year , he was single again , and guess what i was single too. We became close AGAIN -.- i loved him , he loved me . it was great eyy ? then something happened. My feelings just changed so fast towards him maybe i was afraid that i would get hurt again like last time , and he was just too busy with his worked.So i started to be friends with Anas, then with just a blinked of an eyes , and BOOM ! im in relationship with Anas. Even thought i was with Anas i will check his Facebook wall and twitter almost every night. I wanted to be with him but i was afraid and chose Anas instead. And now 3 years just passed by and guess what ? we got close again :) i really hope this time it will mean something :) because i truly love him. I don't care what's gonna happen next all i know is i love him and he will always be in my heart till i die :) #FLS

Worse Feeling

why must the "lonely" feeling exist in this world ? it's one of the worse feeling. And that is how i feel right now Lonely :) Sometimes being lonely is nice , but sometimes it hurts you. I guess to some extent I get used to being alone. I get used to not expecting phone calls and having nothing to do at night. I don't expect to turn around to open arms any longer. The small sound of him, have been replace by silence. My thought echo through my head, with no one to share them with. All in all, being alone isn't terrible , it just hurts like hell. .