I'm sorry I was wrong.

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known

[Chorus:]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around

Maybe I was naïve,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
My mistake, I didn't know to be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

[Chorus:]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around

And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale,
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rear view mirror disappearing now
And it's too late for you and your white horse
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now

Where Is The Old Him

I still remember him chatting with me on Facebook 3 years ago. He would accompany me all night. Even though we were just a friends, he was still one of the sweetest friend I had. The kind a friend never leave you alone, never make you feel lonely, the kind of friend that would put that smile back on your face when you're down, would listen to your problem and make you feel better with their stupid jokes :')

Those 3 years flew by so fast. And a lot had happened between us.When we're back together now, my feelings towards him just grow bigger and bigger each day. He's my friend, my big brother and my boyfriend at the same time.I'd never been happy when he asked me to be his girlfriend again.So glad to be his again, I just miss him so much. Miss the way he put that smile on my face and make me feel special.

But as the 3years past by, I noticed a few things that's different about him.He was never there with me when I needed him the most.I started realized that the day I had a fight with my dad and I got hit by a guitar.There was literally no one that could make me feel better other than Faiq. I expect him to comfort me but at the end he was not there. He didn't even know I was hit by a classic guitar.My cousin Ira had to tell him for him to know.

The second times was when i got played by this guy called Tengku and his girlfiend Najwa. All the seniors in Adni would tease me and called me a bitch.I cried one night and texted Faiq and tell him all about it. I just need him to put that smile on my face. But instead he said "yang you pun post mcm tu kat blog buat ape, delete la". I knew i was wrong to post things about Tengku on my blog ,I knew my mistakes but I really don't need Faiq to blame it on me again.All i wanted was for him to make me smile :')

Not to forget when I cried and had a huge fight with my mom about selling my cat Oreo.I could never forget this.It actually almost break us up.I knew he was stressed with all his assignment at the time and his up coming exam.But i also need him at the time and again to make me feel better.But instead it all went really wrong.The last thing I knew was he BBM my cousin telling her that I always makes it all about me.I just wish he knows that I never want everything to be about me. I just wanted him to hug me and tell me everything would be fine.

From the fight with my dad , to Tengku , to selling Oreo, to the fight with my mom and i actually tried to kill myself with sleeping pills, to stressed up with my dad about my spec till now. He failed to wipe those tears on my face.

I knew all my mistakes in those fights and problems. I'm not asking for him to say I'm right and I'm innocent and that I'm a sweet little angle or as he posted on his twitter like I'm a princess living in the fairy tale.I just wanted him to make me feel better, to wipe my tears, to put a smile back on my face like he used to do when we were friends 3 years ago.

I just want him :'( The old Faiq Lutfi Shahrin that I met 3 years go. The person that I was chatting with 3 years ago.Please bring him back, I just can't keep wiping my own tears anymore and put the smile on by myself. I want him :'(

My Little Heart

Everyday before I go to bed, I would pray to Allah. Even though I might not pray 5 times a day like a good Muslim does, I never forget to make Du'a to Allah to forgive my family, my boyfriend and myself. Most importantly I would pray for my mom, may Allah lighten the load on her.

I knew from the day I was born I was nothing but a burden to her.Till now I still feels like it. I just wish one day I could pay her all the money she had spend on me all my life.Sometimes when I went shopping with her, Its actually hard for me to see her pay for my stuff and sometimes for my medicine too.

I just can't wait for school to be over and I can start working and pay her back. But since I'm still in school there's pretty much nothing i can do to pay her other than study twice as hard.For now i would just hold back my feelings and just accept the fact that I'm still a burden to her.

But one day she said a sentence that I would never forget."Ida suka menyusahkan mama papa" even though she said it nicely but i just can't hold back my tears in the car. I know I'm a burden, with my health condition that would need treatment and check up. I know I'm a burden. But it's not that i wanted to be sick on purpose.

I didn't ask for it. And surely "Ida tak nak susahkan mama papa".But when she says it, its was like someone punch me in the heart.The Du'a that i made every night may Allah lighten the load on her was no good, I realized I was the load all along.

I just want her to know, I didn't mean to do it on purpose.I wish i could give her all the money she wasted on me. I don't even want to be born if I knew my presence on this world would burden the person I love the most. :')