Im glad he's feeling better

So last night i found out that faiq is a having a fever. And i dnt knw why but my head just couldn't stop worrying about him. So i decided to go to klcc to give him some medicine. Even though my leg was actually hurting so bad from hiking. The muscle at the back of my leg actually  really hurting me when im walking. But that didn't stop me from sending him the medicine. Even though i had to take the LRT and walk to klcc. The pain doesn't bother me that much maybe it because ida ikhlas nak bagi ubat kat faiq. To make him feel better. He was my priority and he will always be no matter where i am. 

Few hours ago, he wechat me saying thank you for the medicine. And he's feeling better. ALHAMDULILLAH. I didnt just walk to klcc in pain for nothing. He's better now. 

Goodnight.im glad you feel better. I love u. Always

Cake ...

So i saw him today...

It was weird i didnt actually saw him

I only saw his brow. Right then i know it was him.... That proves how much i misses him... But i just could't go there and say hi to him. Cz im scared... Im scared to death when i look at him and i will start going crazy... And the memories will keep haunting me... its hard to forget him. Very hard. only Allah know how much i love him. And how much i have to keep denying that im over him. im not. I still love him. So much. But i know he moved on and i should to. Im praying to Allah to help me go through this heart ache every single day. i just wanna say i misses you. So much F. Gnite

Lesson learned

I can definitely say since the day he left me i had the chance to learn more and more about myself. Who i really am. And what kind of person i really am the person i love the most and that was him.

I've learned that im the kind of person that would filled my feelings in a bottle and trying to close the bottle with my fingers. 

And the feeling that i filled in the bottle is not a happy feelings. Its the sad , angry , promblema and lonely feelings that i kept in the bottle instead of telling him. 

I know he was always trying so hard to be there for me. And i appriciated that. But he knows the things he did wasn't enough to make me happy. Truly happy.

On my 17th bday. 13.6.2013 was by far the most important day of my life since i've been his. Its not the fact that i was born on that date that it was my birthday that made that day special. Its was the date of me being his after the long years i've been hiding the love i had towards him.

And to have him trying to make that day meaningfull was impossible at the time. Its not the fact he didn't do anything on that day. He did planned out something special to me. He planned out that i would opened up the present that he had for me and read the poem he had wrote for me on that night. His planned was perfect. I can honestly say if that planned worked on tht day. Tears would coming down on my face right infront of him. Through skype of whatever. Tears of joy. 

But Allah didn't planned it that way. There were some problems about the presents. I was definitely upset about it. But i didnt want to tell him that i was upset. Because i know it wasn't his fault. And i love him. And the love that i had for him was different. It was the love that i have for him that made me forget about myself. When it comes to him that im willing to put my sad feelings towards him in the bottle. I guess it was just me feeling that kind of love towards us.You see that kind of feeling that i had, that i would put in the bottle.

As the day passed i'd filled more and more feelings in the bottle. And finally the bottle just pop and burst all my sad feelings all at once to him. Poor him. 

For that i learned. If i really love the person i would share everything with them. Not just happiness. 

Im done looking for guys, searching for love. Waiting for him. I can't force him to love me. All i can do now i is pray to Allah. Semoga Allah jumpekan ida dengan org yg ikhlas syg ida kekal sampai akhirat. Aminnn