Lesson learned

I can definitely say since the day he left me i had the chance to learn more and more about myself. Who i really am. And what kind of person i really am the person i love the most and that was him.

I've learned that im the kind of person that would filled my feelings in a bottle and trying to close the bottle with my fingers. 

And the feeling that i filled in the bottle is not a happy feelings. Its the sad , angry , promblema and lonely feelings that i kept in the bottle instead of telling him. 

I know he was always trying so hard to be there for me. And i appriciated that. But he knows the things he did wasn't enough to make me happy. Truly happy.

On my 17th bday. 13.6.2013 was by far the most important day of my life since i've been his. Its not the fact that i was born on that date that it was my birthday that made that day special. Its was the date of me being his after the long years i've been hiding the love i had towards him.

And to have him trying to make that day meaningfull was impossible at the time. Its not the fact he didn't do anything on that day. He did planned out something special to me. He planned out that i would opened up the present that he had for me and read the poem he had wrote for me on that night. His planned was perfect. I can honestly say if that planned worked on tht day. Tears would coming down on my face right infront of him. Through skype of whatever. Tears of joy. 

But Allah didn't planned it that way. There were some problems about the presents. I was definitely upset about it. But i didnt want to tell him that i was upset. Because i know it wasn't his fault. And i love him. And the love that i had for him was different. It was the love that i have for him that made me forget about myself. When it comes to him that im willing to put my sad feelings towards him in the bottle. I guess it was just me feeling that kind of love towards us.You see that kind of feeling that i had, that i would put in the bottle.

As the day passed i'd filled more and more feelings in the bottle. And finally the bottle just pop and burst all my sad feelings all at once to him. Poor him. 

For that i learned. If i really love the person i would share everything with them. Not just happiness. 

Im done looking for guys, searching for love. Waiting for him. I can't force him to love me. All i can do now i is pray to Allah. Semoga Allah jumpekan ida dengan org yg ikhlas syg ida kekal sampai akhirat. Aminnn