the last few months had been really hard for me. I was like a baby. I didn't know how to eat proper food. I don't talk to people. my face was filled with sadness. everyone know Nursyahida is a bubbly girl who would jump around or as my friends like to call me " kanak kanak ribenna and tukang gelak setia" I was always smiling laughing. but after you left me debok I felt like I was dead but have to live once again. I seriously don't know how to eat. there was a time that I didn't actually eat for 3 days. I just drank water. tu pun mama paksa. I was like a baby. At home I would just stay in my room staring at Ed all day long till I fell asleep. everyday. whene ever mama ajak pergi rumah tok bah I would just sit at the corner alone. ida termenung je. believe it or not no one dare to come near me or to talk to me.. tok bah pun tak berani.. they thought I really lost my mind. I over heard tok bah suruh mama bawak ida pergi jumpa ustz. and she did when we go back to Kelantan. I wasn't being myself... I was really pale.. skinny .. sick ..quiet... alone... only mama dare to come and comfort me. but at that time I would just termenung and I was so quiet... it was like I never learnt how to talk.. when ever I talk I would just whisper. Pagi raya when I hear takbir I went all crazy... because the last time I heard his voice at that time malam raya over the phone and ida dengar takbir raya through the phone. esok pagi tu when I heard takbir raya .. I was shaking and I put my hands over my ears.. that morning was .... everyone was smiling happy ... looking at Ira and Elly calling Irfan and akid mintak maaf with each other and smiling a laughing... and I was at the corner crying. when ever mama ajak ida keluar jalan.. and when ever ida Nampak motor mcm faiq even its different in colour I would just shed a tears... I know its stupid haha tengok motor kt parking kerete macam motor faiq pun ida boleh menagis.
trial spm ida fail... I would return my paper wet .. cz of my tears... teachers had to call my mom..
but really they tried everything they can to help me... at the end I still failed my spm trial..
And when ida kat rumah.. when I heard bunyi motor je lalu depan rumah I would run down stair and looked if it was him... everytimeeee motor lalu je. I would be downstairs... wishing it was you.
then this one night comes... everyone knows ida ni penakut. malam nak turun amik air kat bawah pun takut.. but this one night I was asleep then I had a dream that you were downstairs kat luar rumah wanting to see me. ida bagun je and I actually heard motor that sounds similar macam motor faiq.. I think it was 4 am ida lari kat bawah macam dunia nak kiamat .. without feeling afraid at all. I ran opened the door... opened my gate.. and it was my neighbour baru balik naik motor.... I sat by my gate.... and close my eyes and took a deep breath.. and I heard this voice coming from inside myself saying " if you really love him you have to give him what he wants ida... even though the things he wants may hurt you ida... ida just have to give him want he want even though if it means he wants me away from him... or having me to see him happy with other girl.. I just have to let it be.... its all for him.... if ida really loves him .... u have to let him have want he wants.... and this is what he wants ... for us to be apart ... ida kene kuat...." and I opened my eyes masuk rumah ... lay in bed hugging ed.. and just sleep thinking im doing this for him...
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