Im glad he's feeling better

So last night i found out that faiq is a having a fever. And i dnt knw why but my head just couldn't stop worrying about him. So i decided to go to klcc to give him some medicine. Even though my leg was actually hurting so bad from hiking. The muscle at the back of my leg actually  really hurting me when im walking. But that didn't stop me from sending him the medicine. Even though i had to take the LRT and walk to klcc. The pain doesn't bother me that much maybe it because ida ikhlas nak bagi ubat kat faiq. To make him feel better. He was my priority and he will always be no matter where i am. 

Few hours ago, he wechat me saying thank you for the medicine. And he's feeling better. ALHAMDULILLAH. I didnt just walk to klcc in pain for nothing. He's better now. 

Goodnight.im glad you feel better. I love u. Always

Cake ...

So i saw him today...

It was weird i didnt actually saw him

I only saw his brow. Right then i know it was him.... That proves how much i misses him... But i just could't go there and say hi to him. Cz im scared... Im scared to death when i look at him and i will start going crazy... And the memories will keep haunting me... its hard to forget him. Very hard. only Allah know how much i love him. And how much i have to keep denying that im over him. im not. I still love him. So much. But i know he moved on and i should to. Im praying to Allah to help me go through this heart ache every single day. i just wanna say i misses you. So much F. Gnite

Lesson learned

I can definitely say since the day he left me i had the chance to learn more and more about myself. Who i really am. And what kind of person i really am the person i love the most and that was him.

I've learned that im the kind of person that would filled my feelings in a bottle and trying to close the bottle with my fingers. 

And the feeling that i filled in the bottle is not a happy feelings. Its the sad , angry , promblema and lonely feelings that i kept in the bottle instead of telling him. 

I know he was always trying so hard to be there for me. And i appriciated that. But he knows the things he did wasn't enough to make me happy. Truly happy.

On my 17th bday. 13.6.2013 was by far the most important day of my life since i've been his. Its not the fact that i was born on that date that it was my birthday that made that day special. Its was the date of me being his after the long years i've been hiding the love i had towards him.

And to have him trying to make that day meaningfull was impossible at the time. Its not the fact he didn't do anything on that day. He did planned out something special to me. He planned out that i would opened up the present that he had for me and read the poem he had wrote for me on that night. His planned was perfect. I can honestly say if that planned worked on tht day. Tears would coming down on my face right infront of him. Through skype of whatever. Tears of joy. 

But Allah didn't planned it that way. There were some problems about the presents. I was definitely upset about it. But i didnt want to tell him that i was upset. Because i know it wasn't his fault. And i love him. And the love that i had for him was different. It was the love that i have for him that made me forget about myself. When it comes to him that im willing to put my sad feelings towards him in the bottle. I guess it was just me feeling that kind of love towards us.You see that kind of feeling that i had, that i would put in the bottle.

As the day passed i'd filled more and more feelings in the bottle. And finally the bottle just pop and burst all my sad feelings all at once to him. Poor him. 

For that i learned. If i really love the person i would share everything with them. Not just happiness. 

Im done looking for guys, searching for love. Waiting for him. I can't force him to love me. All i can do now i is pray to Allah. Semoga Allah jumpekan ida dengan org yg ikhlas syg ida kekal sampai akhirat. Aminnn

Why do i still feel the pain..

Its been months already... But i still feel sad. I still shed a tears every single night thinking of faiq. I tried everything every second to get him off my mind. But i can't. Is it because i love him too much. I kept telling myself to move on ida. There's no reason for me to say and wait for miracle for him to love you back. After what i've done to faiq.

My mom kept telling me if i pray something good to happen to him. I will be happier. Always pray for the best of him. And i did. Never missed his name even once in my prayers. But why mama.. Why am i still having this feeling. 

Im sorry faiq. I pray for you each day. For you to find someone that can light up your days. Someone that can cook for you. Someone that can make u feel happy when u're all tired coming back from work or a bad day. Someone that can actually be next to you when u needed her.. Not just through phone... Someone that can carve that cute smile of ur's forever.

I pray for u to find someone that can do things to make u the happiest men alive the things i never get to do.....Aminn

IloveuFLS.

Debokkkk i found a cat at home !

Debok debok tadi kan ida tgh lepak rmh mak ngah tau lepas seminar bile ida bukak pintu tibe tibe ade kucing kat dlm rmh wearing a collar. Ida ingatkan kucing mak ngah sebab en syg die duduk diam atas kerusi mcm rmh die hahaha cute gile. I buat donno je la ~ tibe tibe mak ngah jerit hahahha die takut kucing lupenye bukan kucing die sayangg ~ hahha tapi die comeeelll sngt ~ die nak manja kesian die mesti sesat tu. 

Will you ?

A hundred and five is the number that comes to my head,When I think of all the years I wanna be with you.

Wake up every morning with you in my bed.That's precisely what I plan to do

And you know one of these days when I get my money right

Buy you everything and show you all the finer things in life

We'll forever be in love, so there ain't no need to rush

But one day I won't be able to ask you loud enough 

I'll say, "Will you marry me?"

I swear that I will mean it

I'll say, "Will you marry me?" 

I miss you debok. I've been trying to get hold on to you. But it looks like u're busy working on your future. 

Everynight i will listening to this song hoping one day you'll ask me those 4 words. "Will you marry me?" Hahaha berangan je ida ni 😊

that one night

the last few months had been really hard for me. I was like a baby. I didn't know how to eat proper food. I don't talk to people. my face was filled with sadness. everyone know Nursyahida is a bubbly girl who would jump around or as my friends like to call me " kanak kanak ribenna and tukang gelak setia" I was always smiling laughing. but after you left me debok I felt like I was dead but have to live once again. I seriously don't know how to eat. there was a time that I didn't actually eat for 3 days. I just drank water. tu pun mama paksa. I was like a baby. At home I would just stay in my room staring at Ed all day long till I fell asleep. everyday. whene ever mama ajak pergi rumah tok bah I would just sit at the corner alone. ida termenung je. believe it or not no one dare to come near me or to talk to me.. tok bah pun tak berani.. they thought I really lost my mind. I over heard tok bah suruh mama bawak ida pergi jumpa ustz. and she did when we go back to Kelantan. I wasn't being myself... I was really pale.. skinny .. sick ..quiet... alone... only mama dare to come and comfort me. but at that time I would just termenung and I was so quiet... it was like I never learnt how to talk.. when ever I talk I would just whisper. Pagi raya when I hear takbir I went all crazy... because the last time I heard his voice at that time malam raya over the phone and ida dengar takbir raya through the phone. esok pagi tu when I heard takbir raya .. I was shaking and I put my hands over my ears.. that morning was .... everyone was smiling happy ... looking at Ira and Elly calling Irfan and akid mintak maaf with each other and smiling a laughing... and I was at the corner crying. when ever mama ajak ida keluar jalan.. and when ever ida Nampak motor mcm faiq even its different in colour I would just shed a tears... I know its stupid haha tengok motor kt parking kerete macam motor faiq pun ida boleh menagis.

trial spm ida fail... I would return my paper wet .. cz of my tears... teachers had to call my mom..
but really they tried everything they can to help me... at the end I still failed my spm trial..

And when ida kat rumah.. when I heard bunyi motor je lalu depan rumah I would run down stair and looked if it was him... everytimeeee motor lalu je. I would be downstairs... wishing it was you.

then this one night comes... everyone knows ida ni penakut. malam nak turun amik air kat bawah pun takut.. but this one night I was asleep then I had a dream that you were downstairs kat luar rumah wanting to see me. ida bagun je and I actually heard motor that sounds similar macam motor faiq.. I think it was 4 am ida lari kat bawah macam dunia nak kiamat .. without feeling afraid at all. I ran opened the door... opened my gate.. and it was my neighbour baru balik naik motor.... I sat by my gate.... and close my eyes and took a deep breath.. and I heard this voice coming from inside myself saying " if you really love him you have to give him what he wants ida... even though the things he wants may hurt you ida... ida just have to give him want he want even though if it means he wants me away from him... or having me to see him happy with other girl.. I just have to let it be.... its all for him.... if ida really loves him .... u have to let him have want he wants.... and this is what he wants ... for us to be apart ... ida kene kuat...." and I opened my eyes masuk rumah ... lay in bed hugging ed.. and just sleep thinking im doing this for him...