Monday, September 2, 2013

astagfirllahalzim.. please don't

i don't really kno whether the dream i had last night was suppose to be a nightmare or some kind of sign allah's trying to show me..

at first i was on some kind of vacation and weirdly he was too.. we were staying in the same hotel.
so i called his room and said maybe we can lepak lepak and he gave me excuse he was in some kind of business trip and his day is packed with plan. then of course i said sorry to disturb him i just wanted to see him knowing i miss him so much 

then at night i take a walk by the beach alone. i saw him walking with loads of shopping bags in his hand and going up to his room. i took a deep breath and let him go. i thought he said he was busy with his work.
then the next morning i called his room again to have breakfast together at the hotel.
i mean hey want kind of excuse he's gonna give me. everyone gotta have their breakfast right ?
especially the free one at the hotel haha. he said ok. so i was getting ready being all pretty and go down.
i sat there for hours and when i called his room at the lobby and there was no answer and the lady at the lobby said the guy staying at the room i've been trying to call just left the hotel 30 mins ago. and again i took a deep breath and close my eyes


Then when i opened my eyes i was at this place like a hill its was sunny and there were lots of guys.. teenage guys around me. but they couldn't see me. they were talking. so i just stand there and watch.
then one of the guy started saying " haaa tu dia faiq dah maiii.... tengok die naik motor... hot stufff"
and there he came ngan motor die. but he looked different than the faiq i saw at the hotel.
he looked younger..he looked just like when i first saw him... short hair macam sekolah menengah dulu and he's round tummy i always love haha. but he couldn't see me too. i just stood there and smile alone.
then i came near them and faiq to hear what they're saying... typical teenage conversion.... 
then i heard he said he met this girl called Ida ..Nasrin's cousin just came back from dubai.. he said it to one of the guy.... just the two of them.. from his smile when he said my name i know he likes me.then again i took a deep breath close my eyes.. this time with a smileee. :)

when i opened my eyes again.. i was on my bed,,,, macam ida baru bagun nak pergi sekolah.. i decided to just grab my iphone and just call him and tell him how much i miss him... so i called .... guess who answered me.... a sweet girl with a really nice voice picked up the phone and spoke to me nicely " assalamualaikum ni ida eh ? i'm rose ...faiq had told me alot about you :) he asked me to picked this call and to thank you for the love you had given him before i came in his life :) im sorry but he's mine now ida.. i know this is gonna be hard for you.. but it's the truth.. he has me now to be with when he's sick .. sad.. alone.. so i think there's no need for you to give him a call or wechat him when he's sick and try to comfort him.. don't worry ida i'm here to take care of him... he's in good hand.. i promise i won't hurt him like you did... "
i put the phone down took a deep breath close my eyes with tears streaming down my face...

then tibe tibe ida terbagun for real....thank god that was just a dreamm... 
Ya Allah please don't tell me that this is the sign you're trying to tell me to really leave him alone
disappear from his life forever and just forget about us and our memories....
i know i can't love him and not suppose to love him anymore..
but please.... being friends is enough for me if i;m really not allowed to love him. kiss him, hugged him and hold his hand again....

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