Im glad he's feeling better

So last night i found out that faiq is a having a fever. And i dnt knw why but my head just couldn't stop worrying about him. So i decided to go to klcc to give him some medicine. Even though my leg was actually hurting so bad from hiking. The muscle at the back of my leg actually  really hurting me when im walking. But that didn't stop me from sending him the medicine. Even though i had to take the LRT and walk to klcc. The pain doesn't bother me that much maybe it because ida ikhlas nak bagi ubat kat faiq. To make him feel better. He was my priority and he will always be no matter where i am. 

Few hours ago, he wechat me saying thank you for the medicine. And he's feeling better. ALHAMDULILLAH. I didnt just walk to klcc in pain for nothing. He's better now. 

Goodnight.im glad you feel better. I love u. Always

Cake ...

So i saw him today...

It was weird i didnt actually saw him

I only saw his brow. Right then i know it was him.... That proves how much i misses him... But i just could't go there and say hi to him. Cz im scared... Im scared to death when i look at him and i will start going crazy... And the memories will keep haunting me... its hard to forget him. Very hard. only Allah know how much i love him. And how much i have to keep denying that im over him. im not. I still love him. So much. But i know he moved on and i should to. Im praying to Allah to help me go through this heart ache every single day. i just wanna say i misses you. So much F. Gnite

Lesson learned

I can definitely say since the day he left me i had the chance to learn more and more about myself. Who i really am. And what kind of person i really am the person i love the most and that was him.

I've learned that im the kind of person that would filled my feelings in a bottle and trying to close the bottle with my fingers. 

And the feeling that i filled in the bottle is not a happy feelings. Its the sad , angry , promblema and lonely feelings that i kept in the bottle instead of telling him. 

I know he was always trying so hard to be there for me. And i appriciated that. But he knows the things he did wasn't enough to make me happy. Truly happy.

On my 17th bday. 13.6.2013 was by far the most important day of my life since i've been his. Its not the fact that i was born on that date that it was my birthday that made that day special. Its was the date of me being his after the long years i've been hiding the love i had towards him.

And to have him trying to make that day meaningfull was impossible at the time. Its not the fact he didn't do anything on that day. He did planned out something special to me. He planned out that i would opened up the present that he had for me and read the poem he had wrote for me on that night. His planned was perfect. I can honestly say if that planned worked on tht day. Tears would coming down on my face right infront of him. Through skype of whatever. Tears of joy. 

But Allah didn't planned it that way. There were some problems about the presents. I was definitely upset about it. But i didnt want to tell him that i was upset. Because i know it wasn't his fault. And i love him. And the love that i had for him was different. It was the love that i have for him that made me forget about myself. When it comes to him that im willing to put my sad feelings towards him in the bottle. I guess it was just me feeling that kind of love towards us.You see that kind of feeling that i had, that i would put in the bottle.

As the day passed i'd filled more and more feelings in the bottle. And finally the bottle just pop and burst all my sad feelings all at once to him. Poor him. 

For that i learned. If i really love the person i would share everything with them. Not just happiness. 

Im done looking for guys, searching for love. Waiting for him. I can't force him to love me. All i can do now i is pray to Allah. Semoga Allah jumpekan ida dengan org yg ikhlas syg ida kekal sampai akhirat. Aminnn

Why do i still feel the pain..

Its been months already... But i still feel sad. I still shed a tears every single night thinking of faiq. I tried everything every second to get him off my mind. But i can't. Is it because i love him too much. I kept telling myself to move on ida. There's no reason for me to say and wait for miracle for him to love you back. After what i've done to faiq.

My mom kept telling me if i pray something good to happen to him. I will be happier. Always pray for the best of him. And i did. Never missed his name even once in my prayers. But why mama.. Why am i still having this feeling. 

Im sorry faiq. I pray for you each day. For you to find someone that can light up your days. Someone that can cook for you. Someone that can make u feel happy when u're all tired coming back from work or a bad day. Someone that can actually be next to you when u needed her.. Not just through phone... Someone that can carve that cute smile of ur's forever.

I pray for u to find someone that can do things to make u the happiest men alive the things i never get to do.....Aminn

IloveuFLS.

Debokkkk i found a cat at home !

Debok debok tadi kan ida tgh lepak rmh mak ngah tau lepas seminar bile ida bukak pintu tibe tibe ade kucing kat dlm rmh wearing a collar. Ida ingatkan kucing mak ngah sebab en syg die duduk diam atas kerusi mcm rmh die hahaha cute gile. I buat donno je la ~ tibe tibe mak ngah jerit hahahha die takut kucing lupenye bukan kucing die sayangg ~ hahha tapi die comeeelll sngt ~ die nak manja kesian die mesti sesat tu. 

Will you ?

A hundred and five is the number that comes to my head,When I think of all the years I wanna be with you.

Wake up every morning with you in my bed.That's precisely what I plan to do

And you know one of these days when I get my money right

Buy you everything and show you all the finer things in life

We'll forever be in love, so there ain't no need to rush

But one day I won't be able to ask you loud enough 

I'll say, "Will you marry me?"

I swear that I will mean it

I'll say, "Will you marry me?" 

I miss you debok. I've been trying to get hold on to you. But it looks like u're busy working on your future. 

Everynight i will listening to this song hoping one day you'll ask me those 4 words. "Will you marry me?" Hahaha berangan je ida ni 😊

that one night

the last few months had been really hard for me. I was like a baby. I didn't know how to eat proper food. I don't talk to people. my face was filled with sadness. everyone know Nursyahida is a bubbly girl who would jump around or as my friends like to call me " kanak kanak ribenna and tukang gelak setia" I was always smiling laughing. but after you left me debok I felt like I was dead but have to live once again. I seriously don't know how to eat. there was a time that I didn't actually eat for 3 days. I just drank water. tu pun mama paksa. I was like a baby. At home I would just stay in my room staring at Ed all day long till I fell asleep. everyday. whene ever mama ajak pergi rumah tok bah I would just sit at the corner alone. ida termenung je. believe it or not no one dare to come near me or to talk to me.. tok bah pun tak berani.. they thought I really lost my mind. I over heard tok bah suruh mama bawak ida pergi jumpa ustz. and she did when we go back to Kelantan. I wasn't being myself... I was really pale.. skinny .. sick ..quiet... alone... only mama dare to come and comfort me. but at that time I would just termenung and I was so quiet... it was like I never learnt how to talk.. when ever I talk I would just whisper. Pagi raya when I hear takbir I went all crazy... because the last time I heard his voice at that time malam raya over the phone and ida dengar takbir raya through the phone. esok pagi tu when I heard takbir raya .. I was shaking and I put my hands over my ears.. that morning was .... everyone was smiling happy ... looking at Ira and Elly calling Irfan and akid mintak maaf with each other and smiling a laughing... and I was at the corner crying. when ever mama ajak ida keluar jalan.. and when ever ida Nampak motor mcm faiq even its different in colour I would just shed a tears... I know its stupid haha tengok motor kt parking kerete macam motor faiq pun ida boleh menagis.

trial spm ida fail... I would return my paper wet .. cz of my tears... teachers had to call my mom..
but really they tried everything they can to help me... at the end I still failed my spm trial..

And when ida kat rumah.. when I heard bunyi motor je lalu depan rumah I would run down stair and looked if it was him... everytimeeee motor lalu je. I would be downstairs... wishing it was you.

then this one night comes... everyone knows ida ni penakut. malam nak turun amik air kat bawah pun takut.. but this one night I was asleep then I had a dream that you were downstairs kat luar rumah wanting to see me. ida bagun je and I actually heard motor that sounds similar macam motor faiq.. I think it was 4 am ida lari kat bawah macam dunia nak kiamat .. without feeling afraid at all. I ran opened the door... opened my gate.. and it was my neighbour baru balik naik motor.... I sat by my gate.... and close my eyes and took a deep breath.. and I heard this voice coming from inside myself saying " if you really love him you have to give him what he wants ida... even though the things he wants may hurt you ida... ida just have to give him want he want even though if it means he wants me away from him... or having me to see him happy with other girl.. I just have to let it be.... its all for him.... if ida really loves him .... u have to let him have want he wants.... and this is what he wants ... for us to be apart ... ida kene kuat...." and I opened my eyes masuk rumah ... lay in bed hugging ed.. and just sleep thinking im doing this for him...

pompeii

I was left to my own devices
Many days fell away with nothing to show

And the walls kept tumbling down
In the city that we love
Grey clouds roll over the hills
Bringing darkness from above

But if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You've been here before?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

We were caught up and lost in all of our vices
In your pose as the dust settled around us

And the walls kept tumbling down
In the city that we love
Grey clouds roll over the hills
Bringing darkness from above

But if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You've been here before?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
If you close your eyes



Oh where do we begin?
The rubble or our sins?
Oh oh where do we begin?
The rubble or our sins?

And the walls kept tumbling down
In the city that we love
Grey clouds roll over the hills
Bringing darkness from above

But if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You've been here before?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

If you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?

embarassement

you told me you still cry till now thinking what happened between us the other night.
you asked why I didn't tell you stuff about me anymore to you.

the truth is i'm embarrass. to be honest you are the first person on my mind where ever I go.
when things happened to me , whether having a fight with friends , family , or even feeling sick. there's no one in this world I rather tell than you. you know for the past years you're the one i'll come to when something happens no matter what is it. even when I was your friend 3 years ago. I would tell you everything .. I would call you ...

I know we're back to being just friends now. but this time it's different. you might not know what im feeling. this time im full of embarrassment. embarrass about what you may ask ?
Debok :) open your eyes.. what i'd done to you. I embarrass with you with your family and friends and myself. I done stupid things to you. I tried to kill myself for you. I made stupid videos in public about you. I called your family asking to them to talk to you. when all u wanted was to be away from me.

when you said to my mom that you really don't have feelings for me anymore. I should've stop there.
I was embarrass enough with myself .. I thought you loved me like u said before. but having you to tell it in front of my mom made it worst. but I didn't learn my lesson there. I called your family ... I told them how much I love you how I really need you in my life. having you to tell them that you don't want me was like someone stabbed in a thousand times. then I realised, you really don't want me in your life anymore.

Now when something happens to me. whether me having car accident or me having asthma attack. I would just stare at your name on my phone. feeling wanting to tell you but at the same time I feel unwanted by you. then I would shed a tear alone and turn off my phone.

At night whether I was laying in bed at home , at clinic or at hospital I would just close my eyes and imagining that you were right beside me. I would talk to myself "debok .. I wish you were here holding me like before... I love you so much debok.. never stop.."

I remember that one day after i had a car accident I was on hospital bed in emergency area looking at the empty chair beside my bed I closed my eyes imagining you were there right beside me :')

debok .. please .. im begging you don't you ever for a second think you're nothing to me. or you're just a 'friend' to me. you know you mean the world to me. You are my world that I can't call mine anymore...

Its 11.52

Hi debok. How r u ? Good ? Ida okay je. Just sakit as usual getting worse each day actually and still wishing and pretending you're right by my side holding me... Sadly it only happens when i close my eyes. When i open my eyes you dissapear hmm its okay  Spm nak dekat bok :) 

I miss u :) so much :) i hope u're doing fine there and always smiling :) goodnight sayang. *wish i can say that to you debok. Byebye tc sweet dreams

Let her go - passenger

Well you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you’re missin' home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

Staring at the bottom of your glass

Hoping one day you'll make a dream last

But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes

Maybe one day you'll understand why

Everything you touch surely dies

But you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missin' home

Only know you love her when you let her go

Staring at the ceiling in the dark

Same old empty feeling in your heart

'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep

But never to touch and never to keep

'Cause you loved her too much

And you dived too deep

Well you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missin' home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)

And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)

Will you let her go?

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missin' home

Only know you love her when you let her go

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missin' home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

I remember this ...

Haha you know what's funny is when u been through all this situation before. The exact situation with the same person. Haha i remember the last time when he worked at starbucks that "brb" and "jap eh" never ends hahaha 

Not to forget the "jap eh i nak mandikan adik i" hahaha. 

Its okay if you're busy i understand :) 

I've been through this before with him , i understand :) ida dah biase :) 

We're alright

Those dark brown eyes,

And that contagious smile,

And those lips, and the way they verbalize,

It was at Wangsa Walk, 

What a surprise to me,

You held my hand the first time,

You looked at me and smiled,

Everything was perfect,

Everything was great,

I was on a fairytale,

It's a dream while I'm awake,

But days passed and we weren't there,

And it felt like we didn't care anymore..

But why'd we say goodbye ?

You said you don't have the strenght for both of us,

We said we try, to work things out,

But all of sudden we're all tired,

And said goodbye,

Its sad not to hear your voice at 3 am

No one's ever gonna call me "sayang" like you do again,

I'll miss your kiss and your warm hugs,

But now that we said goodbye,

I'll pretend that i'm alright,

Yeah, im alright, im alright,

You said you didnt wanna see me cry,

But i'll pretend that i'm alright,

Im alright , im alright,

I'll miss you kissing me on the escalator,

And watch you smile with those tiny teeth,

When you sing to me with ur friend,

Made me smile inside and outside

And as the sun goes down and the moon comes up,

It's a different person that i'm with ,

So much simpler, so much better and so beautiful..

The way we laugh with your friends 

You way i love to play with your neck,

You're just so funny,

I can't believer that we're letting this go..

But why'd we say goodbye ?

You said you don't have the strenght for both of us,

We said we try, to work things out,

But all of sudden we're all tired,

And said goodbye,

Its sad not to hear your voice at 3 am

No one's ever gonna call me "sayang" like you do again,

I'll miss your kiss and your warm hugs,

But now that we said goodbye,

I'll pretend that i'm alright,

Yeah, im alright, im alright,

You said you didnt wanna see me cry,

But i'll pretend that i'm alright,

Im alright , im alright, 

Maybe it's time to let it go

Maybe it's better off alone

Maybe today's the wrong time

Someday we'll learn to be strong

Maybe you're right about this,

You don't have the strength for both of us,

We can't keep up on this,

So goodbye.... 

Let me hear your voice at 3 am

call me "sayang" like you always do again,

your kiss and your warm hugs,

I'm never gonna say goodbye

Cause we're alright...

How i go to sleep hihi *gedik

I think about you every night before i go to sleep. 

1-i imagine that u're here with me

2-with one arm around me and ur legs touching mine ... *u tau i suke tidur gosok kaki org ;)

3-the you kiss my neck 

4-wishing me "goodnight sayang"

5-fall asleep in ur warm arm and ur fluffy legss *gomoi*

I do this everynight now :) 

Im off to bed. Went to school at 6am back from school at 7.30 pm. Balik ngaji sampai 9.30 now nak KO atas katil dengan Ed. 

Goodnight debokk :)

Singing alone in bed

When ever im alone i like to sing this song to myself. Especially when im on bed waiting for my eyes to sleep. Some times tears would run down on my face unexpectedly and i smiled. 

You - Jannah Alia 

You were there to light my day,

You were there to guide me through 

From my days down and on

I'll never stop thinking of you

How can i forget all that

When you're the one who make me smile 

You'll always be part of me 

How i wish you were still mine 

Never will forget the day 

How we've met and came this far 

We all know we got this feeling

But somehow it has to end up here

I know it's me who said goodbye 

That's the hardest thing to do

Cause you ment so much to me

And guide the truth from me to you 

For all the things i've done and said

For all the hurt that i've cause you

I hope you'll forgive me debok 

Cause that wasn't what i meant to do.....

To honest i've tried so hard to move on.  

Try to find another guy. But i got played in stead and lied instead. Its like Allah is telling me to stay and keep loving you silently. The silent part hurts me. May Allah give me strength.if he really is for me may Allah show us the path back together. If not may Allah show us our own path away from each other. Im leaving it all to Allah.

And only Allah knows how much i love him no matter where we are or what we are

Kene tipu haha

Kene ditch haha. Suppose to go out at 12.00 now im alone here at 2.12.

Lupe hati perempuan ni mcm mane. 

Ida langsung tak percaya kat laki. 

:/ kalau tak sudi cakap je la tak nak pergi. 

Jangan la buat ida tunggu kat sini. Takde transport nak balik :/ LRT jauh plak tu hmmm ~ kenape la ida cpt sngt percaya kat laki.. 

Long day

Just got home from school... Im soo tireddd .. I want to hug you so bad and tell you about my dayy ~ debok ~ tidur awal la malam ni ida bok ~

Nights are diff now

Now my nights are so different.

I do feel the loneliness at night before i close my eyes. 

I've been keeping myself busy for these past few days. 

During my spare time i actually learnt how to cook. I know faiq gonna love the fact that i actually learning how to cook.hahahaha

Ida dah tau nak masak my mom's secret recipe of cucur udang die ;) 

Anyways my night are still lonely. 

No more talking on the phone before i close my eyes.

No more hearing "i love you ida"

No more manja manja

No more laughing 

No more telling him how my day went. Bad or good.. :) 

Its so different...

Before i was with him at night i would watch my TV that was in my room cerita cartoon penguin over and over again till i fall asleep to fill my emptiness at night hahah

Now tv pun dah hilang.

So sekarang at night i would just stare at my ceiling and think of what had happened in my life , what i had done wrong , what i had learnt in my life , asking myself if there is such a thing called "true love" banyakk ida fikir till im too tired to think n my eyes close itself and everytime i close my eyes ... My heart wishes him goodnight ...everynight. Silently. 

I'd do it for u in time

I'm gonna pick up the pieces,

And build a Lego house

If things go wrong we can knock it down

My three words have two meanings,

There's one thing on my mind

It's all for you

And it's dark in a cold December, but I've got you to keep me warm

If you're broken I will mend you and I'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now

I'm out of touch, I'm out of love

I'll pick you up when you're getting down

And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now

I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind

I'll do it all for you in time

And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now, now

I'm gonna paint you by numbers

And colour you in

If things go right we can frame it and put you on a wall

And it's so hard to say it but I've been here before

Now I'll surrender up my heart

And swap it for yours

I'm out of touch, I'm out of love

I'll pick you up when you're getting down

And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now

I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind

I'll do it all for you in time

And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now

Don't hold me down

I think my braces are breaking, and it's more than I can take

And it's dark in a cold December, but I've got you to keep me warm

If you're broken I will mend you and I'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now

I'm out of touch, I'm out of love

I'll pick you up when you're getting down

And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now

I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind

I'll do it all for you in time

And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now

I'm out of touch, I'm out of love

I'll pick you up when you're getting down

[Album version ending:]

And out of all these things I've done I will love you better now

[Music video version ending:]

And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now

I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind

I'll do it all for you in time

And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now

I'm out of touch, I'm out of love

I'll pick you up when you're getting down

And out of all these things I've done I will love you better now

Is it true ?

Memories left

I miss feeling excited to see him. Even though we were just friends. 

I miss hugging himm with fluffiness

I miss holding his big warm hands 

I miss the kiss he always gave me on my head cz i so short haha

I miss the fooling around .. torturing him with his neck haha and laughing with him

 

The one thing i miss the most and one of my habit every time i see him is playing with his fluffy legs ... 

Its been a month.I am still suffering .. 

Ya Allah kau berikan la hambu mu yg banyak ngan dosa kekuatan untuk semua ni.. 

Ida tak tau cara ape lagi nak lupe kan die. 

Does he suffer like i do ? 

Ya Allah jangan la kau seksa Faiq Lutfi Shahrin mcm mane ida seksa sekarang. 

I want him to be happy ... 

I can see he's slowly trying to forget about me. Its okay. He did the right thing. 

To leave me was the right thing. 

Tapi kau berikan lah aku kekuatan. 

Apa saja cara untuk go through this feelings Ya Allah. Its been a month. SPM nak dekat.. Trial was i a mess i failed all my subjects on my trial. ida tak nak spm ida mcm tu. tolongg hambu mu ini ya Allah.  

What we used to be

The sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk anymore. But deep down in your heart you just wanted things to be just the way it used to be. To start over. As a friend you are secretly deeply in love with each other.  

I found all of these picture that i captured in my blackberry. I miss us. Being secretly inlove. 

Its Amazing how it feels when someone loves you. 

How he likes to call me cenonet kemetot 😊 

My favorite picture of him in school uniform 

How you make the one you love happy 

The morning wish. Waiting for each other. Making each other's day.

How he used to tell the world he loves me

Our stupid cute conversation 

All the late nights skype. Once in awhile 

He changed me from being a tomboy to a girlygirl because he loves it 

Those days we got so excited to see each other because we rarely see each other. 

He used to be my shenonet. Even though i know he's bigger than me 

Those late night tweet for me. Just makes me smile in my sleep. 

Late at night i always go through all his pictures and save it on my phone. Even though he wasn't mine at that time 

One of the picture i saved. One of my favorite picture of him eating.🙊

When you really mean something to someone. That feeling that i can't describe 

Faiq is the kind of person who doesn't like little kids. But this one kid steals his heart. Koko haha

Every morning i would check his tweet. There's always a tweet that makes ny heart skipped a beat. 

How he makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful girl in this world. 

How he used to called me "sayang" 

The only girl in the world. Thats how i feel when i was with him. I was so lucky to have him then. 

 

I tried to convince myself I didn't want you anymore. I just can't let go. I don't want to see you move on, but I'm not doing much about it either. You're two different people and I wish it would stop, because I'm living to die and dieing to live, but it doesnt mean a thing to me, until I have you. I felt so good when I was with you, you made me feel like the world; to hear I was your favorite and the best you ever had. You were not ashamed and would hold my hand anywhere. We'd talk on the phone for hours, and everytime we kissed it felt like I was dreaming. Love felt like heaven when I was with you; and now that you're gone I'm hurting like hell. I miss you so much, and I wish you were here, but I made the wrong choice and its too late, too many mistakes had been made and I lost you, forever...but you didnt loose my love because I loved you ever since the day I met you. and ill never forget you, because to me, you are the WORLD.  Unknown quotes  | added by: sarahlove585

Why girls have to be strong

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

Najwa Latif - I Love U #perfect #song #describe #my #feelings

Mungkin kita pernah rasa tentang cinta,
Yang takdirnya bukan untuk kita,

Mungkin ini adalah cara meluah cinta,
Tanpa berkata atau berpandang mata,

I’m sorry but i love you,
I’m sorry if i miss you,
Even if i can’t have you ,
You know i’ll always be there for you,

Mungkin aku mencintaimu walaupun engkau tak pernah tahu,
Mungkin aku mencintaimu tanpa lelah atau pun jemu,

Mungkin kita tak bersama di takdirkan,
Tak mengapa asal kau bahagia,

Biar aku mencintaimu biar tiada siapa yang tahu,
Biar aku mencintaimu dalam diam ataupun bisu,

I’m sorry but i love you,
I’m sorry if imiss you,
Even if i can’t have you,
You know i’ll always be there for you.
I’m sorry but i love you..

Everynight

Everynight before i go to bed i would stare at Ed.
And i can still see his face laying on ed at the hospital.
His face.. Those eyes.. Those lahes.. Thosee tembamm cheeks i wish to kiss hahahah
And i always caught myself smiling at night looking at ED. MaysaAllah kuasa tuhan..
Pelik mcm virtually die ade sebelah ida teman ida tidur everynight macam kat hospital :)
Gift Allah gave me to help me go through each day without him.

I hope he understand

To be honest im not ready. U tau kan i just got off a relationship that i truly believed would last forever. I dah 3 tahun dgn die. To have some one to let go of me while i put my whole heart in him is something big. I tau Allah dah tentukan for me not to be with him. But Allah didn't tell me to not put my whole heart in him. Im scared to love.
Im scared to love you cz then i'll be giving you my whole heary and at the end .. i had to go through the same thing again.im sorry i can't.. Im weakk

Its gonna take a while for me to love some one back. I takut nak sayang oranggg

But i do love u but as a friend

Im not ready to be ur girlfriend

Im so so sorry.
U're not just a friend to me. You are one those friend that i care.
I met you same year as i met faiq. Maybe a lill early. We've been friends for 4 years.
U asking me to be your girlfriend is really a something.
I know u would be the perfect boyfriend
I always adore you with all of you exes. Adore how u can be so damn sweet with them in public.
But im just not ready to be in relationship. To be honest my heart is still with someone who doesn't love me back. I know its stupid he doesn't love me .. But im not ready. People can say die buruk ke .. Hitammm ke .. Mcm perempuan ke .. Miskin kee.. Mat rempit ke.. Ape saje untuk buruk kan die but believe it or not he's the guy i close my eyes everynight wishing to marry , to have children and to live and be together till i die. Tapi Allah tak restu kan ida ngan die i accepted that .but he will always be in my heart. Im sorry. So so sorry

Last time i was here

Last time i was here when i'm going back to Dubai i still remember his text "motor i boleh terbang n menyelam masuk air .. I gerak lambat sikit pergi dubai" hahahah :') motor dieee tu ! Hahaha
That was 3 years ago.. Balik dubai nak pack barang kat dubai bawak balik KL :) at that time he was mine :) good times... Now im going again .. :) take good care of ur amazing motor that i always love Hahaha

9 am

Hey im leaving tomoz morning..,
My flight is at 9 am ... Kol 8 dah kene ade kat KLIA
Wish i could hug you before i go :')
Wish i could tell you how much u mean to me face to face before i go
Tak sempat nak hear ur voice
Im gonna miss u so much...
No matter where i go ... How long im going ..
I still love u doreamon.
Its okay if u dont love ur Shin Chan back. But i will always love u no matter where i am.
I wish i get to say wht im feeling to you
Wish i could say a proper goodbye to you
It will ruin me too knowing u dnt love me anymore :') And that u'll be fine when im gone :')
I'll miss you so muchh
I don't think i'll be sleeping tonight :')
Waiting for you. One last night of waiting

Its not that i don't want text him and mintak tolong die teman ida
Tapi i promised myself i won't torture him.
Die seksa dengan ida. I hurted him so badly.
And haritu ida tengok tweet die dah ok dengan life die.
I looks like he hates me pun ade. Im sorry i believe there were "forever"
But ya Allah i really do need him... But ida tak boleh torture die lagi :'(
And for that i suffer alone till now

Debokkk sakittt :'(
Sakitttt sngtt perut idaaa :'(
Dari semalam berak muntah berak muntahh :'(
Takde energy dah nak makan
Badan ida bise biseee sngt ida demam :'(
Tapi bok ida dah makan ubatt :'(
I need debok to teman me :'(
Ida sakit sorang sorang :'(
I miss how debok used to marah marah ida suruh makan ubat
I miss how u would comfort me :'(
I miss how debok use to care :'(
Ya Allah why must this happened to us
Ya Allah i need him

Food poisning.

Semalam muntah muntah ..
Badan bise bise, keluar masuk toilet diarrhea -.-
Food poisining -.- makan kfc semalam -.-
Ape la ida ni selame ni makan makanan expired okayyy je
Laksa expired la.. Roti berkulat la hahahahaha *tak perasan okay*
Ni makan kfc je muntah muntah tk boleh tidur
Hishhh lawak lawak

Minie you

I still hug ed every night pretending he was you

I still kisses ed every night wishing and pretending it was you 

Ed represent you

You gave him the name ed

U slept on top of him .. He's you to me.. die je ida ade tinggal that reminds me of  you :) 

Our times talking on the phone hugging ed so tight pretending ed was you

Kissing ed when we're on the phone pretending i was kissing you

Goodnight debok.

Tomoz gonna be my last night.
Hmm how i wish to hear his voice before i go
How i miss hearing him kissing me through the phone
He likes to give so many kisses in one timee :')
I'm truly gonna miss you Faiq.
We misses you  ; ed and teddy
Goodnight old friend

Bad day

Dah la sakit perut gile period cramp sampai sakit belakang :'(
Tak pergi sekolah sakit sngt pagi tado :'(
Kene pack barang lagi :'(
Petang papa tengking kat ida depan orang ramai pasal beli air je :'(
I need youu ..
Please tell me u need me too
I tried just everything to forget about you
But i really need you :'(
Im leaving saturday early in the morning :'(
Ida tak nak tinggal malaysia :'( because i want to see you :'(

Debok :'(

Debokkkk i need to talk to youuu :'(
Papa malu kan ida depan publiccc tadi :'(
Semua pandanggg ida :'(
Idaaa maluuu sayang :'(
Ida keluar kedai semua pandang idaa :'(
Laki kat parking motor semua pandang idaa :'(
Ida keluar kedai tutup muka maluu nangis  :'(
Sayangg i need to talk to you :'(
Idaaa tak tau nak cite kat sape dahhh :'(

Hi how r u doing ?
im fine .. Just sakit perut .. So many things to pack... Tapi kene paksa diri jugak la
Flight sabtu pagi.. So lill time.
I hope u're doing fine with ur college and pastel lite
I also hope perut u okay :)

It hurts :( ya allah sakittnye perut

Period pain period pain !
Sakit belakang :'(
Eddd ida sakitttt :'(
I know ed tak boleh comfort ida macam mane faiq comfort.. Ida
Ya allah kurang kan la sakit period cramp ni....
Nak tidur malam ni mesti susah :'(
Tak de sape boleh teman ida dah
Pleaseee  ease the pain ya Allah ... Im begging

Too early

So guess what mama bought a ticket for us to fly this saturday.
Im going back to look at our old house. Its condition. Old school my sister n brother went.
And probably some college for me.

Hmm i guess this is the best way...
Knowing him calling me a bitch...
But hey he was right.. He couldn't love me forever
There's not happy ending between us
I was too dump to think he love me as much as i love him
I was too dump to think he'd be the one next me through ups n down
I was too dump to think you were the one im gonna marry
I was too dump to think im that lucky girl that would have him forever
I was too dump to think i made him happy
I was too dump to think i was good enough for him
Im still too dump to think he will come and look for me
Im still too dump to think he still loves me
Im still too dump to think he misses me
Im still too dump to look at my phone day n night waiting for his texts
But yet i still can't stop loving you
I will always be too dump for u
And again we never met.

Ed and i miss you so much.
But i'd be nothing to you.
Having period pain and ed's with me.
Just him no more u.

One of my fav moment

Terlelap sebelah ida atas ed
I watched him sleeping and gently pegang tangan die
Tapi die sedar terjaga plakkk alooo haha baru nak gomoii tangan die senyap senyap

Him reading newspaper like a grandpa next to me
Time tu mata memang tak boleh bukak still ngantok
But i was forcing my eyes not to shut because he looked so cute reading newspaper at that time.

He kisses my forehead.
He was suppose to pick his lill sister Aisha from school
I was asleep he woke me up gently n kiss my forehead slowly.

Me having a tummy ache
I brought me down stair to eat someone
I went down a get this pink kuih for RM2 but he had only RM 50
This nice guy behind us paid for us

Me tummy ache in the room
He gave me one looked when i was in pain
He came near and hugged me

He called his friend amir to buy some bubur kat mcd for me
Die suapp idaaa .... *melting

We watched orphan i was hiding behind and hugging him the through the movie.

Please don't forget

Nelly just a dream.

I was thinking 'bout him, thinkin 'bout me

Thinking 'bout us, what we gon' be

Open my eyes yeah, it was only just a dream

So I travelled back down that road

Will he come back? No one knows

I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream

I was at the top and now it's like I'm in the basement

Number one spot and now he find him a replacement

I swear now I can't take it, knowing somebody's got my baby

And now you ain't around baby I can't think

I should've put it down, should've got the ring

Cause I can still feel it in the air

See his face, run his fingers through my hair

My lover, my life, my shawty,

He left me, I'm tied

Cause I knew that it just ain't right

I was thinking 'bout him, thinking 'bout me

Thinking 'bout us, what we gon' be

Open my eyes, yeah, it was only just a dream

So I travelled back down that road

Will he come back? No one knows

I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream

When I be ridin', man, I swear I see his face at every turn

Tryna get my Usher over I can't let it burn

And I just hopes he know that he'sthe only one I yearn for

More and more I miss him. When will I learn?

Didn't give him all my love, I guess now I got my payback

Now I'm in the club thinking all about my baby

Hey, he was so easy to love

But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough

I'm going through it every time that I'm alone

And now I'm missing, wishing he'd pick up the phone

But he made the decision that he wanted to move on

Cause I was wrong

Our love...

I miss the time when we were on the phone and i said something like "what if one day we're not together anymore" and he cuts me off "tak kan" even when i say "if" he cuts me off with "tak kan"

Well i guess it was just me who believe in our love.
I believe we can go through it together.
It might be hard but slowly we can make it through because we had each other
I guess its just me that needed you :)
For you will be fine and better im willing to let you go of you whom i love the most in my life whom i believe im gonna have childrens with.
It was all me who believe in those
Me alone.
I know u have no strenght to go through failing me.
Trust me deep down you were the one who always lifted me up when im down.
I dont blame you for not seeing the love i have for you , the feeling i have for you.
If this is gonna the best situation for you.
To move forward to ur bright future InsyaAllah
Even without me..
I have no choice .. You are the one i love and this is what you wanted and this is what i will give you
Dont worry about me .. My spm .. My life .. My health. Im willing to suffer to see you happy and besuccessful  debok :) InsyaAllah ida akan sentiasaaa doa kan you. Aminn

Rabu

How rabu means so much to me haha

Ingat lagi last year... Nak jumpe faiq lepas balik sekolah mesti hari rabu :)

Last year rabu last period duduk dalam lab.. Tengok je jam ... Cepat la cepat la ! Hahaha

Pastu ida first keluar dari lab :p

Nak jumpe faiq makan cendol kak zah laaa sweettt konon hahah

Pastu amir ejek ida mamak riyyad ! 

One time ade al ida pakai seluar KRS ida londer die ckp kat faiq hahahaHahaha miss this so much. 

The warm hug

I miss this :) his friend daniel took this picture of u if im not mistaken or my cousin ira :) 

The feeling of warm and fluffy hug make me feel like im the luckies girl in the world if i could i would just scream kat semua org yang lalu lalang kat situ n say "die boyfriend aku ! Kau ada die ?" Hahahah 

Definitely Good memories that will remain in me  :)

Wechat

I miss you
I know there's nothing i can do for you to let me love again
I know there's nothing i can do to change your prespective towards us
Just so you know i miss you. Goodnight.

Waiting

Everyday and night i'll always be waiting for you.
Your text
Your call
Your wechat
Your tweet
After solat bace doa semua ida selalu picked up my iphone.. Just to see if there's anything from you
Even though i know there will be nothing from you.
Tapi ida tetap tunggu ..

Battle scar - guy sebastian ft lupe fiasco

Hope the wound heals but it never does

These battle scars don't look like they're fading

Don't look like they're ever going away

They ain't never gonna change

Never let a wound ruin me

But I feel like ruin's wooing me

Arrow holes, they never close from Cupid on a shooting spree

Feeling stupid cause I know it ain't no you and me

And you know that you should know

And let him go

But the fear of the unknown

Holding another lover strong

Sends you back into the zone

With no Tom Hanks to bring you home

A lover not a fighter

On the front line with a poem

Trying to write yourself a rifle

Maybe sharpen up a stone

To fight the tanks and drones of you being alone

I wish I never looked, I wish I never touched

I wish that I could stop loving you so much

Cause I'm the only one that's trying to put us back together

When all of the signs say that I should forget him

I wish you weren't the best, the best I ever had

I wish that the good outweighed the bad

These battle scars, don't look like they're fading

Don't look like they're ever going away

They ain't never gonna change

I wish I couldn't feel, I wish I couldn't love

I wish that I could stop cause it hurts so much

And I'm the only one that's trying to put broke us back together

When all of the signs say that I should forget him

I wish you weren't the best, the best I ever had

I wish that the good outweighed the bad

These battle...