Saturday, August 31, 2013
Please mama jangan pergi
Because i know i duduk rumah without mama nanti ida lonely ~
Ida tak suke when im alone and teringat kat die.
Please mama jangan la tinggal ida ~ :'/
Ida just nak explain kat mama why ida nak ikut sebab ida takut duduk rumah sorang ngan adik :'/
Kak aniq takde :'/ nanti ida teringat kat faiq :'/
Mama jangan la tengking ida depan orang ramai :'/
Let me explain ~
Takpe la ....
Tabahkan la hati ida...
Ya Allah bagi la kekuatan kat diri ida.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Taking my time
We go our separate way for a reason.
Allah maha Adil :)
Ida hamba Allah yang banyak buat dosa.
Dosa ngan mama papa family and even aiq.
Making faiq to go through things he went through when he was with me.
Ida tak nak seksa die lagi Ya Allah because i love him so much.
I can't lie to myself and my heart.
I do love him and that means i can't let him go through it again.
I love him and all i can do is pray that he'll have a happy life with whom ever he choose to be with even though it might not be me :) i love him. Ida tak boleh selfish . Its okay i suffer with spm struggle through all these. What's important is the person i love faiq is back on his feet to his bright future :)
I know deep in my heart he'll be the men that was in my dream :)
Big car happy successful its okay if i have to be starbuck girl that he doesnt recognise atleast i know he'll be the men i know he will be :) insyaAllah dengan izin Allah *Amin :)
All the person that i love the most
I'm taking this time to really ask for forgiveness
Im done praying for Allah to open his heart for me , crying in my sujud to give me a chance to make things right with him to love him right. Not for the mean time.
When Allah decide the time i want to make things right. Now i Learned my lesson well
Taking this nak betul kan balik kesilapan ida.
Posting bad things about my love ones in public Ya Allah dosa die mcm mount everest dah.
And he was right. Ida ni memang tak matang lagi selalu think negative on soo many things especially towards my love ones and family also. Sikap ida yang suke balas dendam towards my love one.Ya Allah ampun kan la dosa ida. Mcm mcm dah
Kalau Allah izin kat ida balik berbaik dengan faiq balik this time i want to make it right.
Ida tak nak buat dosa kat dia. I'd make things right :) love him right :)
But for the mean time im slowly learning from my mistake.
InsyaAllah dengan izin Allah ida boleh berubah :)
I can feel it in me already. A little improvement. Selama ni tak sedar ngan dosa ida. Now i know dosa ida kalau mati sekarang confirm masuk neraka tak payah soal dalam kubur :)
Mintak mintak things will be alright for me , and him. Never miss his name and his family in my prayers to have a happy life and murah kan rezeki mereka :) kalau Allah izin faiq and i will be together again. Allah know what he's doing :) kalau faiq bukan untuk ida pun Allah have a reason for it :)
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
I get it :') hope u're happy. Goodbye :')
Every night i always been waiting for your call to say you love me :'( berangan je ida haha :')
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
English paper... Missed.
Allah please tell him..
I love ..but why..
Didn't go well
Im the one you don't appreciate you
Sayangg ....
Look debok
Never thought...
Goodbye :')
Did u know ?
Pass out.
Please lepas SPM or lepas trial
Monday, August 26, 2013
How r u debok
One lucky girl
No words
I don't know what's happening
Debokk im scareddd :'(
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Take care of him
If its true
Never good enough for me
Faiq ...
I need someone
Debokkk :'( ida tak tahann
Why can't he see
First paper
Ya Allah kenape
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Yassin
Friday, August 23, 2013
Debok ... Bad news..
Important year.
Where's the starting over
Yeayy
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Morning debok :)
I miss debok..
Takkan
I thought ....
Enjoy while it last
Should i go ?
When i sleep ..
Ya Allah why ?
To be honest i don't know
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Ape je lagi nak buat :p
Ouch
Stressed out ? Really ?
Blabbering
Is it really ?
Friday, August 16, 2013
All i wanted
He's okay don't worry
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Overboard
Only words i can say
I love you, and no matter what happens I will still love you and I still think of you all the time. I know it means nothing to you, but you mean everything to me.
Please if anyone ever falls in love with you and feels this strongly. Don't shrug it off like it is nothing, I'm not asking you to love them back, I'm just asking you to care.
And if anyone ever falls in love with someone this strongly and they don't love you the same way, hold on to every last bit of sanity you have. Don't let it completely ruin who you are. You are a wonderful person and can pull through. You will have some very rough times. But, it will get better...
I hope. At least that's what I've been told.
That feeling..
Pain. Lots and lots and lots and lots of pain. So deep it cuts into your very being. Leaving scars that will last long after the pain.
When more time is spent on the person you love than you would ever spend on yourself. Even if they would never give you the same sacrifice, and couldn't care less what your time is spent on.
No matter what you will always believe there is hope. And you despise yourself for it.
When your Heart has been ripped out, and ignored, yet still can't let go.
When you would do anything for your love... Even if it means that you can't love them.
When you try to find new ways to hate them. Becuase then at least it wouldn't hurt so much.
When everything is out of your control.
When you can't say why you love them, and to you that's the strongest love anyone can ever have.
When you realize that you can never, ever have them...again...
When you have finally hit the lowest low. And no one can bring you up, and anyone who can will never be there.
When you care so much about the person you forget about everything else completely, even your health and wellbeing.
When you sit and write something like this crying to yourself, and wondering why you are so pathetic.
When you can't sleep at night becuase when you close your eyes, they are standing there to remind you that you are alone.
When you feel all these feelings, but are too afraid to tell them, becuase you're scared they might not care. And the truth is they probably won't.
When you feel their presence everywhere. But you don't want to because it's just another reminder of how far away they really are.
When the pain is so great, you feel that giving up altogether is th only choice, when really you have so much to live for.
When they have told you that they don't love you. And you would do anything to say those same words...and mean it.
They don't love you back
There’s a strange feeling that sometimes overcomes us when we’re reaching out to someone, this feeling of acute embarrassment. “Are we bothering them?” we ask ourselves, and almost wanting to apologize for even sending a message in the first place. It’s as though our very presence in their lives is a nuisance, and our efforts to connect as friends or lovers is one that only complicates things for them. We want to say, “I’m sorry that I want to talk to you, it’s weird and I should probably stop.”
The thing is, you can feel when you’re bothering someone. It’s not difficult to tell when you are the one who is always reaching out, always initiating contact, always starting the conversation. You realize in a way that is at once terribly humiliating and almost masochistically sweet that you are the one chasing after them. When they grant you with their reciprocity, with their attention — nothing feels better. But most times you are left sending a message that you immediately regret, because you know that it only puts one more tallymark in the “you need them, and not the other way around” column.
There are few things more painful than feeling like you’re constantly going out of your way for someone who is, at best, mildly amused by your affection. It’s hard to explain the feeling of disappointment exactly, but it’s mostly directed towards yourself. You can tell when you send them a good-morning text message, or mail them a gift, or take the time to do something for them that you know they’ll barely appreciate — this isn’t going to be reciprocated. This isn’t going to be really appreciated. Hell, it may not even be noticed. But you can’t stop yourself.
It’s just a sad, universal truth that there are people we love a lot who don’t really love us back. Whether platonic or romantic (or even, sadly enough, familial) there are always going to be these uneven relationships in which one person is constantly left feeling as though their emotions and their desires are a mild irritant. There are going to be friends we go out of our way for who never quite acknowledge us in return, who will never be there to listen to our problems, who will never drive out in the middle of the night to pick us up when we’re in trouble — no matter how much we do these things for them. And there are going to be lovers with whom we long to construct an entire relationship, but with whom we will always feel stuck at the frustrating “beginner phase” where no exchanges go beyond the superficial. It just happens.
The most difficult thing, it seems, is being able to admit when your love is going nowhere. Speaking personally, I have watched as more than one friendship proved themselves to be entirely one-sided, when my attempts to connect with the person (even in forums as non-committal as sending a Gchat), were proving increasingly pathetic. I was just way more into them than they were to me, and there is always a certain amount of pain in admitting that. You don’t want to confront this person and tell them, “Hey, look at all of these nice things I do and efforts I make for you, and you don’t do any of these things in return,” because it is a sad thing to do.
It’s sad because the truth is that they don’t owe you their friendship or their love. They don’t owe you the same kind of relationship you desire from them. You can’t insist, through repeated action, that someone is now indebted to you because you have proven that you are worth of something. We make the choice to keep giving our attention and love to someone who has clearly demonstrated that they don’t want it, and it is always their choice to make if they one day decide they want to start reciprocating.
But to break the cycle and force yourself to stop initiating contact, to stop making effort, and to stop caring about their response — that is much harder. That means admitting that you have lost a battle you didn’t even want to acknowledge you were fighting. But when we’re trying to get someone to love us back, it’s always a battle. And it’s one we’re almost always guaranteed to lose.